I have quit my friends’ call for playing basketball several times, because some troublesome things as applying for recommendation of exam-free admission to graduate school. So long I’ve been nervous of something like this. Maybe just out of being afraid of the entrance examination. Actually from my childhood I fear of competitions. I like to have peace with each other, no violations, no conflicts. But life puts me in successive positions like examinations and football games, I have to compete with guys I know or not.
To examination, I have very complex feelings. I used to love it, because it gave me glories and gained me honors and respects. It was really easy before my college study. However, after entered the university, I found so many intelligent guys around me, and I have little talent on mathematics. I worked hard but the grades were just so so. From then on the examinations became my painful times so I feel very uncomfortable of them now.
As a science student, I really really want to do some outstanding works to make others know I am not a stupid or low IQ man. But unfortunately I found it was hard for me, especially in mathematics region. I was pretty pathetic at it. That is why I decided to change my specialty, so I have prepared for computer science for a non-short time.
Things changed after some possibility to be a so called exam-free student. It seems a smooth way to achieve my goal, but my poor GPA troubles me a lot. As the previous articles said, I was worried about this and that. Hardly can I calm down.
Today I spent my morning in classroom, or rather wasted my morning there, dazing and sleeping. After went back, I was tired to think about that so went out with my friends to play some basketball. It was a long time after my last playing. I had a very happy time then. While playing, I suddenly came round to the idea that I am not desirous to only get a graduate admission, but to seek for my way of life. If I spend my life on something I think is valuable and meaningful, and which I can get happiness and passion from, there are nothing to repent of. Wasting time is a crime, especially on something which will not really happen.
I will go to Beijing Oct 6th, and maybe Hefei after 10th. But I will not think about it any more. Let it be.
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